Not Every Opportunity is Your Opportunity

I used to be pretty good at ignoring red flags.

Many years ago, when I was first building my client base in executive search, I said yes to almost every assignment I could get. I was excited to win the business, eager to prove myself and, frankly, needed the clients.

So even when a potential client had unrealistic expectations, wasn't quite ready to hire or kept changing the brief, I found ways to explain it away.

We'll figure it out. They'll come around. This could lead to something bigger.

My then-CEO and mentor used to say, "How you begin is how you end." And boy, was she right.

The warning signs I brushed aside at the beginning rarely disappeared once we started working together. If a client wasn't clear about what they wanted, that confusion usually followed us through the search. If expectations were unrealistic from the start, they didn't magically become more reasonable three months later.

Sometimes I ended up stuck in frustrating assignments, spending far more time and energy than I'd anticipated, wondering why I hadn't listened to my instincts in the first place.

Years later, when I started building my coaching practice, I recognized that same pull. Every new inquiry was exciting. Someone wanted to work with me! I could practice my skills, gain experience and grow my business.

But just because someone wanted coaching didn't mean I was necessarily the right coach for them. Chemistry matters. Expectations matter. The willingness to do the work matters.

It took me a while to get comfortable accepting something that sounds so obvious now:

That not every opportunity is YOUR opportunity.

And I think this is especially hard to remember when you're trying to land your next senior role, build a consulting practice or simply get something going after a long stretch of uncertainty.

Because when you've been waiting for someone to choose you, it's easy to forget that you get to choose too.

The Core Insight

In my last article, I wrote about focus and the importance of being clear about what you want to be hired for.

This week, I want to talk about filters.

Because knowing what you want to be known for is one thing. Deciding which opportunities are actually right for you is another.

And that brings us to a question we don't always ask ourselves, especially when we're eager for something to work out:

What do you actually want to say YES to?

I know that can sound like a luxury when you really need a job or your consulting pipeline is empty. If severance is running out, savings are shrinking or you've spent months getting rejected or ignored, you may not feel as though you have much choice.

Sometimes you don't. You need the income, and taking an imperfect opportunity may be exactly the right decision.

But there's a difference between making a conscious compromise and convincing yourself that something you didn't want has suddenly become your dream opportunity.

I've done the latter. More than I should have. And I know most of you have as well. And we all know how it usually ends...

The Emotional Pull of Being Wanted

I see this happen often with senior leaders in transition. A coaching client tells me they're done with corporate politics, want more autonomy or are looking for a different kind of challenge.

Then a recruiter calls about a role with an impressive title, a recognizable company and attractive compensation. Suddenly, things they were so clear about start becoming negotiable.

Maybe the culture isn't that bad. Maybe I could do another transformation role. Maybe this time will be different.

And maybe it will.

But sometimes what has changed isn't the opportunity. It's the feeling of finally being wanted again.

A long job search can do a number on your confidence. You go from being the person everyone called for advice to waiting for someone to return your email. You make it to final interviews and hear nothing. You start wondering whether the market still values what you've spent decades building.

Consulting brings its own version of this. After years of having a title and an organization behind you, you're suddenly pitching your services, chasing proposals and wondering where the next client will come from.

So when someone finally says, We want you, of course it feels good.

The danger is letting that relief make the decision for you.

And for consultants, there's another consequence. The clients and projects you accept start shaping your reputation and the work people refer you for.

Say yes to enough projects you don't really want, and you may end up building a business that looks remarkably like the career you were trying to leave.

Know Your Filters Before You Need Them

This is why I encourage clients to develop a few personal filters before an opportunity is sitting in front of them. Not rigid rules or a list of impossible demands. Just some clarity about what matters.

At this stage of your career, those filters probably need to go beyond title, compensation or the prestige of a client.

What kind of work still excites you? What kind of people do you want to work with? How much autonomy do you need? What are you willing to trade for flexibility, stability, money or more interesting work?

And here's a question I particularly like:

What have I done enough of?

Maybe you're exceptionally good at turnarounds but don't want another one. Maybe you've spent years fixing dysfunctional teams and are tired of walking into chaos. Perhaps you know how to run a global organization but no longer want a life organized around airports and time zones. Or maybe the consulting work that's easiest for you to sell is exactly the work you no longer want to do.

We spend so much of our careers thinking about what else we can achieve that we rarely ask what we're ready to STOP doing.

You can be very good at something and still be done with it.

Whose Definition of Success Are You Following?

There's another word that shows up in these conversations a lot: should.

I should want this. It's a bigger title. The money is great. Everyone thinks it's a fantastic opportunity.

For consultants, it might be a prestigious client, an impressive project or a contract that's hard to turn down.

But whose definition of a great opportunity are you using?

After 20 or 25 years, you may still be chasing a version of success you defined much earlier in your career. More responsibility, more money, a bigger team, a better title. Or more clients, more projects and a fuller calendar.

There's nothing wrong with wanting those things. But there's also nothing wrong with discovering that what matters to you has changed.

Maybe you'd rather have fewer clients and do more meaningful work while spending more time with your family. Maybe a smaller company would be more interesting than another global role. Or maybe you want more time for your passion pursuits outside of work.

You don't have to keep chasing something just because you once wanted it.

But What If You Really Need the Opportunity?

Then take it, if it makes sense.

I don't believe in giving career advice that ignores mortgages, college tuition, health insurance or the reality of needing to earn a living.

Sometimes you need the job. Sometimes you need the consulting project. And sometimes the opportunity you take now simply gives you breathing room to work toward something better.

Your filters aren't there to make you feel guilty about that. They're there to help you understand the trade you're making.

You can say, This isn't exactly what I wanted, but I'm choosing it because it solves something important for me right now.

There's a lot of power in knowing WHY you're saying yes, even when the choice isn't perfect.

And remember, filters aren't meant to close every unexpected door. Some of the best opportunities may look quite different from what you imagined. The point is to stay curious without losing sight of what matters to you.

Practical Tools

Before your next opportunity gets serious, take 15 minutes to define your own filters. Don't overcomplicate it, but be honest with yourself.

1. What do I really need?

Forget the ideal job description for a moment. What are the three or four things you genuinely need at this stage of your career and life to feel like you're making a good decision?

Perhaps it's financial security, autonomy, working with people you respect, flexibility or doing work that still challenges you. Think about what you've learned from previous roles and client relationships. What helped you thrive, and what made you miserable?

Ask yourself: If this opportunity offered everything else but was missing one of these things, would I still take it? And how would I feel about that decision six months from now?

2. What would be nice to have?

We all have preferences, but not every preference needs to become a dealbreaker. Maybe you'd love to work in a particular industry, have a certain title or land a prestigious client. But would you turn down genuinely interesting work with great people because it didn't tick those boxes?

Separate what you truly need from what you've simply become accustomed to wanting. You might discover that some of your old criteria no longer matter as much as you thought.

Ask yourself: What am I willing to trade, and what would I want in return?

3. What am I done with?

This may be the most revealing question of all.

Think about the work you've done repeatedly, the situations you've tolerated and the responsibilities people keep coming to you for. Just because you're excellent at fixing troubled businesses, managing difficult stakeholders or navigating corporate politics doesn't mean you want another five years of it.

Be specific. Instead of saying, "I don't want another stressful job," ask what actually created the stress. Was it the culture, the leadership, the constant travel, the lack of control or the work itself?

Ask yourself: What am I still saying yes to simply because I know how to do it?

4. Why do I want this particular opportunity?

Now comes the uncomfortable part. When an opportunity appears, pay attention to what's really drawing you toward it.

Is it the work, the people, the challenge and the possibilities? Or is it the impressive title, the client name, the compensation or the relief of finally being wanted?

None of those motivations is necessarily wrong. Financial security matters, and recognition feels good. But it's worth knowing whether you're excited about the opportunity itself or about what getting it would mean for your confidence.

Ask yourself: If I took away the title, the prestige and the validation of being chosen, would I still want to spend my time doing this work?

The Courage Challenge

Think about the last opportunity you pursued seriously. It could have been a job, a consulting assignment or a potential client.

Now take the part where they were evaluating you out of the picture.

Forget whether they liked you, wanted to hire you or were prepared to sign the contract.

Did you actually want THEM?

Did you want the work, the people, the environment and the life that came with it? Or were you drawn to the title, the money, the validation or simply the relief of being chosen?

I think back to some of those early executive search assignments I was so eager to win. If I'd spent a little less time convincing the client to hire me and a little more time asking whether I really wanted to work with them, I might have saved myself a few difficult months.

Of course, we don't always get to choose from the opportunities we wish we had. Sometimes we need the job, the client or the income, and that's real life.

But I keep coming back to something my mentor taught me years ago:

How you begin is how you end.

So before you talk yourself into an opportunity simply because someone wants you, pay attention to what you're already seeing, what you're already feeling and what you might be trying to explain away.

Because the red flags you ignore at the beginning have a habit of becoming the problems you live with later.

Getting chosen feels good. Having the courage to choose well feels even better.